When I published “ED Comes To Visit Again” last year I did not think I would post again. However, I have enjoyed reading so many other happy couples sharing their experiences on the site, with Lucy’s blessing I decided to write a follow-up.
You never really defeat the demon that is ED, you just learn to live and deal with it in a positive way. Our counseling sessions with Caroline carried on for a few more months after we won the last battle, as we also wanted to win the war. Caroline assured us both that if we continued to work hard together and follow her plan we would win, so we decided to stay with her. As well as an excellent counselor, she is a trained sexologist and in the next stage of her plan for us it was those skills she deployed.
I am going to give you details of this treatment plan as I think it would help not only couples dealing with the curse of ED or any other sexual dysfunction, but also freshen up a long term loving relationship. The plan is in 3 parts, and can be done with any loving couple who want to become more sexually adventurous. The basic fact is that when any couple have great sex or really memorable sex, which gets published on this site, it is usually at the edge of or outside of their sexual comfort zone.
What is a sexual comfort zone? When a couple first become sexually active together over the first few months, they quickly establish limits that drive their sexual behaviour for the rest of their lives. But, every now and then one or other in the couple, push the boundaries and the result is often mind-blowing sex. The downside; however, is when trying to push these boundaries, they can cause upset and end in failure so stop trying new things and their sex life becomes stagnant. This is how Caroline explained it to us, in simple terms, the way out, I will describe next.
Stage 1, each of you should independently make three lists of all the sexual activities that they have done together. List 1 should contain activities that there is a 100% comfort factor in, anything from kissing to penetration in the positions which you do most. List 2 should be activities which you consider to be a little naughty. For example, if oral sex without orgasm is in list 1, then oral sex to orgasm could be in list 2, or cuming in mouth rather than pulling off. List 3 is for sexual acts which you may have only done once or twice and for whatever reason are strictly occasional behaviour.
Stage 2 is to sit down and compare lists. Start with list one and agree on contents, moving any you do not agree on into list 2. Write all of list one down on a large sheet of paper and draw a circle around them. This is your total comfort zone. Then repeat the process for list 2, again moving any you do not agree on into list 3. Write these down around the circle you drew on the paper and draw a larger circle around them. This list is pushing the boundaries list. Then finally talk through list 3. Try to remember the occasion or time when you did the activity, if you agree to add to list 2 then write down in that circle otherwise write them around the outside.
Then draw another circle around these activities. This has established your comfort zone. When you look at your activities in this 3rd circle you may see a pattern of activity in circle 3 which are an extension of an activity in circle 2. The same will be the same in circle 1 and 2. Your best sexual experiences will be predominately in circle 3 because the best sex is usually at the edge of each of your comfort zones. Having established what your comfort zones are, now it’s time to push the boundaries. Try to change the way you do something in circle 2 differently and move it into circle 3. For instance, if in circle 2 you have mutual masturbation, try doing it with the lights on, or watching each other rather than doing it together. Push your own limits, it will be exciting and fresh, but don’t do anything you are not comfortable doing. Take it in turns to suggest an upgrade to an activity and set aside 1 night a week just for this purpose.
You should forget about any preconceived limits that have been established, throw away the rule book. In short, start doing again what you did at the start of your sexual relationship together and reset your comfort zones. Be open minded with each other, communicate, and be honest with each other. If you really didn’t enjoy doing something, tell each other, but more importantly tell each other if you have really enjoyed something. You will have some amazing sex during this experimental period and also some bad experiences, just like when you first started having sex together. Only difference is now you can talk about it and see the positives. Overtime, some activities will also move the other way, some list 3 activities will become 2s and 2s, 1s. So, it is important to redo the exercise after about 3 months to track your progress.
I am going to finish by telling you about an activity that was in both Lucy and mine’s 3 list to start with and is now a 2 so a regular and exciting activity which we now share regularly. The subject of period sex is often seen as taboo and many couples avoid sexual contact all together for those days each month. Lucy and I are always open with each other about her periods and I know her dates as well as she does. She rarely suffers from any PMS, but does however sometimes suffer some vaginal dryness in the days before and she has got a little older they have become heavier. As such, her feelings about intimacy during her flow has also changed. We both had this activity in list 3, but discussed at length if it should be in list 2. This conversation led it to be one of the first activities that we choose to re-visit.
For us, Thursday night was the night we set aside to work on our plan. The weekend before, Lucy’s body gave us a gentle reminder that the monthly was approaching and a quick glance at the calendar confirmed our expectation. It was Lucy’s turn to choose an activity that week and I was thinking about how she would approach this in the days before. A text duly arrived sent from Lucy on the train on her way home from work. It simply said, “Looking forward to tonight, but you had better find that old towel, Love you loads”. My heart started to beat a little faster and I felt a firming in my jeans as I took in what she had just text to me. I replied, “Your limits gorgeous, can’t wait to see where you are going to take me tonight.” She replied very simply, “somewhere you haven’t been before.”
I found the towel and laid it out over the bedsheets before she arrived home and we spent the evening together with the children watching TV like any other night. The children headed off to bed around 9 and Lucy told me she was off for a quick shower. She returned to the sofa about 20 mins later wearing her favourite chemise and gown and looked truly sexy and was this clearly the sign that she was in the mood. As she snuggled up to me, my hand went wondering up the inside of her thigh to see what was covering her pussy. She had a selection of panties she usually wore during her period as she was usually a pad user not tampon user, but as my hand approached its destination it was gently stopped from progressing. A wide smile, was all I got and she whispered in my ear “wait.”
We watched the news headlines at 10 and then headed off to bed. While I was freshening up for bed, Lucy lit several scented candles and turned the quilt down to expose the special towel which I had laid out earlier. I came out of our bathroom and Lucy had disrobed and was wearing just the chemise, and a pair of red, satin, bikini cut panties which I had not seen before. Under the panties, a clear bulge was visible from her sanitary pad. I told her how beautiful she looked and commented on her new panties and she told me she only bought them that day especially for tonight. I climbed onto the bed next to her and we kissed passionately for a few minutes. I was already fully hard, ED was not going to get in the way tonight I thought to myself.
In the past when we had been intimate during her period, foreplay was kept to a minimum, and Lucy would usually just slip off her panties as a signal that she was ready to be penetrated. Also, usually the room would be dark but the candles told me that what she had planned for me that night was going to be very different. Lucy really was going to expand her own limits, and test mine and I was happy to go along for the ride. I slid my hand between her legs and rubbed firmly over her pad and she responded by taking hold of my cock and gently stroking causing the pent up precum to begin to leak over her hand. My confidence increased and my hand ventured inside her panties to feel the wetness of her pussy and to my surprise she made no attempt to stop me. “Why don’t you slip them off,” Lucy said to me, and I needed no second invitation to do just that. I knelt up between her thighs and Lucy raised her hips to allow me to slide down her panties with the fresh pad attached, which was lightly stained with her flow. I leant forward and we kissed again before she sat up and slipped off the chemise to join me in nakedness.
I sat there for a few seconds admiring her wonderful body before Lucy leant in and kissed me again before whispering in my ear, “Let’s do this baby” and pushed me back on the bed and dived down on my cock taking its full length in her mouth. As she was working her magic on my cock she was manoeuvring her body into our standard 69 position like she would any other night. My heart was beating hard both with anticipation and lust for Lucy. We both turned on our sides and she spread her legs, throwing one over my shoulder inviting me to rest my head on her lower leg. For the first time in our 16 year marriage I was just inches away from her beautifully trimmed pussy during this special time. Although I had smelt her before through her panties this was new, this was raw, all her feminine inhibitions had been discarded. I loved how her pussy looked and usually I would move in without hesitation and begin to orally pleasure her. It was clear that Lucy was inviting me to do just that and now the ball was firmly in my court if I wanted to go on.
Lucy pulled off my cock briefly, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to” was all she said before returning my cock deep into her mouth. In my head I quickly translated Lucy language to the situation. Lucy was asking me if I wanted to, she was telling me she wanted me to. Without further hesitation I moved my head to close the gap between my face and her pussy and felt Lucy pull her upper leg further over me fully spreading her lips to receive my tongue. I closed my eyes as I approached entry and gently slid my tongue into her wetness. Lucy aware of my heightened arousal pulled off my cock so as to prolong the experienced and let out a moan of pleasure like she had never had oral sex before. She reached down and pulled my head towards her invited my tongue to explore her like I would at any other time of the month and I quickly forgot any inhibitions that I had about the situation. Her clit was soon hard and her first orgasm was rapidly building when Lucy returned my cock once more to her warm mouth. I felt her relax and spread wide as a powerful orgasm ripped through her body and I pulled out of her mouth to allow her to fully enjoy.
As much as I enjoy cumming from oral, I desperately wanted to fuck Lucy that night. I wanted to feel myself in her wetness and leave my seed deep in her pussy. I untangled myself from between her thighs and positioned myself to enter her wetness. Lucy spread wide and I gently slid my hard cock into her wetness. Lucy was still tight and coming down from her orgasm as I slid in and she felt tighter and wetter than she ever had before. I pushed fully in and lean forward to kiss her, totally forgetting what I had just been doing. Without hesitation, Lucy kissed me deeply back and held me inside her to allow her first orgasm to fully subside.
As her grip on my ass relaxed I took the signal to begin to slowly thrust in her pussy and move to allow Lucy access to her clit as she like to in this position. As I looked down at Lucy’s hand approaching her pussy I saw for the first time the copious amount of her flow spilling from her and covering my cock. Lucy was lustful, her fingers skilfully found their way to her clit and she was clearly going to cum again soon. I increased the pace and firmness of my thrusts and tried to ignore the unusual sounds coming from her pussy as Lucy rubbed her clit furiously in attempt to push herself over the edge again. I felt my balls tighten and the head of my cock give me the tell-tale sign that I was about to explode inside my beautiful wife. I told Lucy I was going to cum and with a few quick rubs was on the edge with me. Our orgasms were both simultaneous and explosive, wave after wave hit us both until Lucy finally removed her hand from her cunt and pulled me tight into her to enjoy a post orgasm kiss.
I rolled off her and we looked lovely into each other’s eyes as the full emotion of what we had just dome hit us. I pulled Lucy’s fingers to my mouth to suckle on them as I do many times after sex but she quickly pulled them away and sucked them clean herself. She then looked down at me and took hold of my now softening blood soaked cock and gently stroked it. Surely she wasn’t going to go down on me again I thought to myself. “You don’t have to do that baby”, I whispered to her. “Neither did you hun, but now it’s my turn”. She moved down and took my semi hard cock into her mouth and sucked me clean, kissed me, picked up her panties and headed to our bathroom.
I heard the shower from the bath turn on and figured that I should offer her some help to clean up. I climbed into the bath with her and we quickly rinsed each other off. We dried and Lucy pulled on her panties and returned to the bedroom. By the time I arrived, the special towel was folded away and Lucy was under the duvet, the candles were out and she was ready to sleep. I got in next to her and we kissed once again exchanged our love for each other. “Do you think that is a 2 now”, to which I replied “I think that was a 4.” We smiled and kissed, “I love you Lucy”, “Love you too baby, sleep well.”