Christian Masturbation – My friend Laura told me about Marriage Heat last year. The first words out of my mouth were, “Laura, you and Chris should not be visiting pornographic websites” So judgmental.
Laura dug in a little. She quipped back, “Are you happy with your sex life?”
I responded with a lie, “Of course, I am.” I stated it confidently.
“If Jerry was here and could be honest with us, would he say the same thing?” Laura asked.
“Of course, he would,” I said. Then I quickly changed the subject.
I am a computer web-designer, and I bounced over to MarriageHeat.com. I read the guidelines. I thought the pictures were not pornographic at all. I started reading a few stories. It was a reality check. I enjoyed the stories, and at the same time I felt judgmental and awkward at reading the stories. I was feeling sexually excited, but I also felt “shame.” The two feelings together felt freeing and condemning. I went to the bathroom and noticed that my panties were wet. I also noticed that I wanted to masturbate at that moment. But I just could not.
I blew a fuse on the masturbation stories. I never masturbated growing up. Yes. I felt horny at times, with a little rubbing here and there. That was it. When I found out that my husband masturbated, I thought he was affected by the world. He admitted to watching pornography off and on. I concluded I was not going to be his “whore” and that “hot sex” was generated by the pornography industry. A voice inside of me reminded me that I should be a good girl.
That night when my husband came home, I kept looking at his pants. I felt that my panties were moist. I felt a deep sexual longing for my husband. He had no idea. I felt horny. I kissed him. I enthusiastically gave him my tongue. I felt him get hard. I grabbed his penis over his pants. I was thinking about opening up his pants and taking his tool in my mouth.
Suddenly, the “good girl’ voice spoke,”You are getting out of hand here. Stop this. This is too dirty.” So I let up. Later that night we made love like we usually did. But something was changing in me.
The next morning, I was driving to work, and the good girl voice was scolding me. Tell Laura that the stories on MarriageHeat are opening a can of worms. Let her know that there are perverted “Christian” men and women out there.
I logged on to MarriageHeat one night to reread the guidelines and the thinking of the site. I read a few more stories. As I read Marriage Heat stories, I was wondering if that voice inside of me was holding something beautiful away from my husband and me.
Thus began an internal change in me. I started explore something intimate and relevant. Many authors on Marriage Heat helped me.
You see, I’ve been blasé about having sex with my husband. Except for an occasional (and unusual) rush of desire on my part, our sex life had become the obligatory “once every few weeks” with the single purpose of meeting his “needs”. Missionary position or spooning position. With little to no foreplay, etc. I didn’t even care if I had an orgasm. I didn’t particularly like this, but I was not motivated to change this attitude. Physically, I was fine. Mentally, by mind had come to conclude: Anything to too sizzling was pornographic, and Christians should stay away from immorality.
My husband was away on a trip for a week in late January. I was home alone. I was thinking about my sex person. I am glad that MH does not compare breast sizes and penis sizes. But I needed a comparison reality check. I needed to compare my attitudes about sex with how others saw sex in their lives. I read a story submitted by Chole, about Wife Masturbation. I was so turned on. I cannot believe what I did next. My fingers crept down to my pussy. I read the story again. This time, my figures rubbed my pussy as I read. I was masturbating to a different way of seeing the world. I was horny about a marriage where I could explore my sexuality with my soul mate, my husband. I finished reading the story again. I lay down in our bed and imagined taking his tool in my mouth. I had my first self-masturbated orgasm of my life, and I liked it. I even gave myself another one.
The next morning the “good girl” wanted to talk with me about what happened. I told her not to worry. I was just a little extra lonely. I found myself in major conflict with the “good girl” now. It was busy at work. No time to think.
By the time I got home, all I could do was think about jilling off again. I read every masturbation story that would open up at Marriage Heat. Some stories would not open. That frustrated me. I emailed them. They said something about moving to a new server. I brought myself to several climaxes thinking about Jerry.
The “good girl” shouted for me to stop. I could not stop. I was tired of sexual dullness. I was sure my husband was too. I called him and confessed everything to him. I told him about MH. I told him about the “good girl” guilt complex. I told him about my masturbation binge.
He said that he was hard as a rock. He said he wanted me to freely open up our sexuality to ways we had never explored all within our marriage only bonds. He told me that he was playing with his dick even as we were speaking. The “good girl” voice in me almost said, “You pervert.” Instead, I put my hand down to my pussy and just played with it too. I decided to try talking “dirty.”
“Jerry, I want to suck your cock right now, baby,” I said while playing with my pussy. Jerry did not know what came over me. He began returning the sexy talk.
“I am horny thinking about you masturbating all evening. Yes, baby. Do it every night!” I came first. Jerry shortly after.
We talked about making more changes. I knew that I was the one who needed to let go of my hangups. I committed myself to this new sexual journey.
I was afraid I’d feel intense guilt about doing so, but what I am feeling is a sexual longing and desire for my husband. Tonight, I am touching my tits as Jerry is watching me finish this post. Wow. Tits are wonderful. “Is that a hard on I see Jerry?”
Before Jerry and I have some fun, I wish to thank MH for this site and all the authors who contribute. Truly, you have been a blessing to us.
NOTE: Wife Masturbates First time stories are welcome at MH. We thank this author for sharing her recent journey and the role MH played in this renewed sexual awakening. Do you have a story to share about your masturbation journey?